Let me just start today with saying, being at home for this month has been so healing for my mind, body and soul!
Hugs from friends, powerful conversations, a time of study, even a time of learning…but more importantly, a time with my family.
This last week (after 5 days of chemo treatment) is just hard for Kevin. But it amazes me at how on day 12 of these 21 day cycles, he turns a corner and the spark comes back into his eyes. He smiles, cuts jokes and even can have deep conversations.
Saturday, was day 12!
He went to meet a friend for breakfast. He took a nap and later, even got into the pool and hot tub. Now, don’t get the wrong picture…he didn’t do belly flops off the side of the pool or swim laps like those athletes we’ve been watching these last week in the Olympics! (Of course, our girls wanted him to!). We had a great evening by going to be with some friends to eat dinner and celebrate our friend’s birthday. Being out was good. Kevin being home has been good.
Continue to pray for his strength and total healing. We are believing in Jesus name, that when we return to Texas next week and begin round 4 that it will be our final chemo treatment!
While being at home and running into friends, I have had the most incredible blessing of being showered with encouraging words from others on how they are impacted by the words I write here in this internet space called a blog.
Let me just say…THIS IS ALL GOD!
Just 21 months ago, I muddled through so much lingo, and techno-gibberish to understand just a tenth of what writing on a blog takes. I kept asking God, “Is this really worth my time?”
My heaven Father would sit close by, but gently push me to just figure out the next thing. Many times, that is all He asks us to do in our day to day lives.
It was like when my mother would stay close by me to finish each math problem when I was in 7th grade and I wanted to quit school all together, much less math class! I knew I had to do it…but I didn’t understand the purpose yet.
I learned many months ago, that if God was showing me and teaching me to be a writer, or even a homeschooling mom, I couldn’t compare myself to others. It would only bog down the process. He wanted to create my own style and my own message through using Him as a model.
Just like, I can’t compare myself to other seemingly perfect Mom’s, I can’t compare myself to how Jayne runs her household, or how Lisa’s garden is better than mine….or better yet, how my outward appearance compares to those that spend hours in the gym and drinking those green smoothies…which I just can’t bring myself to do!
This has brought me such freedom. But that freedom, allows God to use my words.
Two of the comments I have heard are:
“how do you find time to do all that you do – much less write on this blog?”
“I could never write”
First of all, we all find the time to do things we like. It’s what motivates, encourages and keeps us
going. What you choose to spend your time on may be just different from someone else.
Four years ago, I began gardening. I was motivated to learn this new skill. God showed me He would teach me and walk me through the process. He did. But when I look at the vastness of my garden…from little ole’me…I am amazed and only see His hand in this process because I never knew I had the confidence to do something like that!
To address the second comment, I have learned never to say “NEVER!”
You never know when God will turn that around to teach you that you can do all things through Christ – not yourself.
I can apply the same to gardening, making our own bread, canning, homeschooling, writing, speaking/teaching, and even at one time running. The list could go on to show how I have learned my lesson because I said “never” to all these things at some time in my life.
More importantly, I have learned to not think – “I hope me or my family will never be impacted personally by a life threatening disease.”
Sometimes God uses that very thing to work miracles in our life. He is doing it now!
Don’t limit God to what He wants to do in your life. At the same time, don’t let your limitations define you…even though God will use it to transform you.
Dan Wolgemuth, the president of Youth for Christ, says it this way,
“As we discover God’s pattern and His plan through the pieces of our lives, we will understand the richness of His love and the power of His transformation. The mortar and cement that connect these broken pieces are nothing short of the power of God. And as we discover, embrace and rely on this power, we will see transformation and celebration. This is why and what inspires me to write.
After saying what doesn’t define me let me tell you what I believe are the two defining moments in my life. The first was when I lay aside my pride and acknowledged faith in Jesus Christ as my Savior, that He was crucified, buried and rose again for my sins. I did this when I was young, but as I grew in maturity I discovered more and more of who my Savior is to me.
That moment defined my eternity. It wasn’t until several years ago, that I had another defining moment, when in my brokenness I realized that I couldn’t do it on my own. Sure, I was capable of behavior modification and keeping to a mostly man-made list of do’s and don’ts. That was the legalism side that I followed. I looked good on the outside. But my heart wasn’t changed. And it was in that moment of brokenness, in that moment when my mask began to crack, that I said, “I give up. I cannot do it. I cannot rid myself of anger or bitterness or deep, deep hurt.” My life here on earth was redefined as my Savior said, “Now we begin. Now we begin really living: Me in you.”
Isn’t that what life is all about?
So friends, walking with God brings freedom and our eternal security. This is where I want to live my life.
Please continue to pray for strength to walk all of these changes out that we are experiencing right now. God keeps telling and confirming to us through His Word that He never leaves our side.
We believe that.
Here is a song that ministers to my soul this morning!
Praise God that He has sent you on this journey. Bless you as you heed His commands and share your and Kevin”s life with us. I keep a journal of verses that touch my heart each day, write what that verse means to me and share on fb. Your blog is PACKED with truth today. It will take several pages in my journal to record the messages that impacted me. Thank you for being God’s messenger. Have already recorded your moment of brokenness when you were filled with the Holy Spirit. It is easy to see Christ living in you. Thanks again. You, Kevin, the girls and the rest of your family have my prayers as well as the medical team in Texas. Ephesians 4:30-31 “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form of malice.” PRAISE GOD
That song is perfect. I have been hearing it play in my head over and over as I ponder personal hurts and challenges, those of dear friends, as we all walk through life. How true that we can’t heal it all ourselves. Our healing comes when we allow Him to do the work in us, through us and to us. Thank you so much for sharing your heart as you walk through this thing called life.
“When you let your walls fall to the ground, we’re here now. This is where the healing begins. When you come to where you’re broken within, the light meets the dark.”
I love you!
Amy, you continue to inspire, encourage, and build up. You’ll never know what your blog means to your readers, but God does and that’s the best place to be. Holding on by a thread is where God does his best work in me, so I continue to praise Him. THANK YOU, for your faithfulness and truth.
Girl, I do like those green drinks! Maybe it is making up for NOT being a gym rat! Ha! Thank you for sharing. I am praying for peace that passes understanding, joy abundant, and complete healing. May your family be filled and surrounded by love! We are just a phone call away for homeschooling questions. Love you!
Amy, may our Lord Jesus Christ’s healing mercies be with Kevin. I pray for his total healing, in the most precious name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen!